reality check

as americans all over the world pay their annual federal income taxes this week (btw, for those of you who haven’t filed yet, the official deadline was yesterday!), i wanted to highlight something i read from sojourners magazine. according to their research, 36 cents of every dollar we pay in federal income taxes goes to pay for past and present military spending!

this can be interpreted in many ways. some might think this is a reflection of the dangerous world we live in and in order to defend ourselves, this is the cost we must pay. others of you believe that this pathetic budgetary reality is due to our country’s predilection for self-interest and dominance in the world.

i am certain that the truth is somewhere in the middle, but no matter what you believe about the “why” for this amount of spending on war and violence, i hope that this percentage disturbs you deeply!

(i tried to look up an estimate for what the u.s. government will collect in federal income taxes this year but could not find anything to relay to you. if any of you knows this figure, please inform us by commenting on this entry.)

again, i find myself utterly disappointed in how far we as americans aspire to live up to our own values. this is an old story but i was amazed while reading a story in the ny times that it has now been more than five years since we began our “war on terror” (whatever that actually means) in response to “911.” one of our more questionable actions since then has been our holding of 45 men of various nationalities in a prison at guantánamo bay on cuba. these men have never been charged with any crime and last year, congress actually made it illegal for these men to challenge their detainment! here’s the paragraph that caught my attention:

The men have all been held at Guantánamo Bay for more than five years, and none has been charged with a crime. They filed petitions for habeas corpus, challenging their continued confinement, before Congress ordered in the 2006 law that all such petitions must be dismissed and no new ones could be accepted for filing.

new york times

we’re suppose to be about individual rights and the rule of law but do these actions accurately represent who we as americans really are? i certainly hope not! i hope it is just a reflection of a president and a republican party (btw, i am neither a democrat or a republican.) that has completely lost perspective!

but if this is the case, why are we — the american public — not outraged? we have lost our way because of fear and the “freedom” that we are trying to defend is being eroded by our very own hands.

this is a question and sentiment that i often hear asked or implied (usually by a european american male, but sometimes by individuals of color like Ward Connerly (photo to right)). it is one of my greatest frustrations as i have tried to help people see reality in north america.

i came across an article in the new york times yesterday that reminded me of why we must continue to be vigilant in our advocacy of those who are different from the norm or dominant group — in our context here in north america, that means white european north americans.

most white north americans believe that we live life on a level playing field. in the u.s., that means that all americans are afforded the same opportunities and that with enough will and determination, any american can achieve anything. my mom tells me that when i was born, her father (my grandfather) called from okinawa and commented with admiration that i could someday be president of the united states because i was born in the u.s. his sentiment reflects this traditional american belief and value.

we (as americans) want to believe this about ourselves and this is most true for those of the dominant ethnic group because to believe otherwise would disrupt the status quo. the dynamics of dominant and sub-dominant in a system are not unique to north america so i want to emphasize that this is not a commentary on european americans as a people group. one can see this dynamic play itself out virtually every system in the world.

this short article at nytimes.com reported a recent study which showed that a primary factor in income for immigrants was the amount of melanin in one’s skin. in other words, how light or dark one’s skin is has a significant impact on one’s earning potential. “how significant an impact?” you ask. so much so that one shade lighter in skin tone has about the same impact “as having an additional year of education.” the study found that those with the lightest skin earned an average of 8 to 15 percent more than similar immigrants with much darker skin.

Dr. Hersch took into consideration other factors that could affect wages, like English-language proficiency, education, occupation, race or country of origin, and found that skin tone still seemed to make a difference in earnings. That meant that if two similar immigrants from Bangladesh, for example, came to the United States at the same time, with the same occupation and ability to speak English, the lighter-skinned one would make more money on average.

“I thought that once we controlled for race and nationality, I expected the difference to go away,” Dr. Hersch said, “but even with people from the same country, the same race, skin color really matters.”

Although many cultures show a bias toward lighter skin, she said her analysis showed that the skin-color advantage was not based on preferential treatment for light-skinned people in their country of origin. The bias, she said, occurs in the United States.

The New York Times: Study of Immigrants Links Lighter Skin and Higher Income

we live in a racialized society and race does indeed matter! it is more comfortable for us to believe that it does not because of who we want to believe we are as americans.

as an american, i am thankful and proud to live in a country that values freedom and equality! but “liberty and justice for all” is something we need to aspire to and and not something we have already achieved. it is not a reality that we enjoy today or have ever enjoyed in our country’s history.

i just read an editorial in the new york times that left me angry and afraid! the author, lawrence downes — a parent of a middle school-aged girl — reflects on a recent outing with his daughter to her middle school talent show:

The scene is a middle school auditorium, where girls in teams of three or four are bopping to pop songs at a student talent show. Not bopping, actually, but doing elaborately choreographed re-creations of music videos, in tiny skirts or tight shorts, with bare bellies, rouged cheeks and glittery eyes.

They writhe and strut, shake their bottoms, splay their legs, thrust their chests out and in and out again. Some straddle empty chairs, like lap dancers without laps. They don’t smile much. Their faces are locked from grim exertion, from all that leaping up and lying down without poles to hold onto. “Don’t stop don’t stop,” sings Janet Jackson, all whispery. “Jerk it like you’re making it choke. …Ohh. I’m so stimulated. Feel so X-rated.” The girls spend a lot of time lying on the floor. They are in the sixth, seventh and eighth grades.

Middle School Girls Gone Wild

i’m afraid because kyra is only eight now but sixth grade is just 2-1/2 years away! she is vivacious, charismatic and thankfully, still innocent. that innocence is part of the gift of youth, but increasingly, it seems like innocence is stolen at earlier and earlier ages in our society. why is there this obsession in our culture for children — especially girls — to look and act older than they really are?

i am angry because if media (hollywood and mtv) is hell-bent on driving our culture in this direction, where are the parents? when i read the editorial above, i thought that the girls must have been rebellious youth who surprised and shocked the audience and faculty of the school by this performance. sadly, this was not the case because mr. downes reports:

As each routine ends, parents and siblings cheer, whistle and applaud.

i know that i cannot keep my little girl my “little girl” forever. i want to see her grow and develop into a young woman who will bless and transform the world! it appears that my spouse and i should expect little help from our schools, society and culture in nurturing her into this type of young adult.

is anyone else out there fearful and upset? i certainly hope so.

it’s every parent’s responsibility to discover, develop and encourage the things that your children are uniquely gifted in and/or have a passion to do. in that spirit, i’m re-publishing a hilarious post from a good friend’s blog — memyselfandbo’s Xanga Site — that is about my son, kaeden. enjoy…

**outdone by a six-year-old.**

so, awhile back, i showed you some pictures of the multiethnic staff conference we had in torrance, california. since i’m korean, i’ve always had a love/hate (more like hate/hate) relationship with my flatter-than-pancake nose. but when it comes to balancing a spoon on my nose, the flatty flatness comes in handy. observe:

up until now, i thought that i was special. usually, when i show people the flatty flatness trick, they’re amused or wowed. i make people laugh, and they tell me how great i am. some even try to do it themselves, fail, and then shower me with compliments like, “wow! i can’t believe you’re still single!” or “man, if i had a nose like that, i’d be rich.” and i, of course, in a very humble asian manner, reply “oh thank you. i know i am quite awesome, and i hope that all of you will strive to be like me. who knows? one day, balancing a spoon on your nose may save your life!”

BUT…

i HAD to start working for intervarsity. i HAD to meet the hiratas, a super-friendly and hug-loving family who live in madison. keith, the alpha male of the family, works as the associate director of training in the national service center. amy, a physical therapist, is one of the nicest women i’ve ever met. their kids? adorable. at least i thought they were adorable, until now.

meeting the hiratas meant meeting their six-year-old son, kaeden. kaeden is now my number one enemy. observe:

look at that technique! four spoons at once!? i even heard a rumor that his parents may pay for plastic surgery, so that his ears have more surface area on which to add two more spoons!!!

my hopes have been shattered; i am now a broken soul. my dream of being the life at every party has been stolen by a six-year-old. sure, he looks innocent; sure, he looks cute. but watch out, when you’re not paying attention, he will slam you like a fat man doing a belly flop. observe:

so, any suggestions on which circus i should contact?

there was a very interesting op-ed piece in the new york times a few weeks ago, but before i share some of my thoughts related to it, allow me to state unequivocally at the beginning that i have been married to an amazing woman for over 16 years now! (the photo of us to the right is from our first year of marriage in 1991.)

amy is certainly more than i than i deserve — both in character and beauty. i don’t want anything that follows to cause anyone (especially her if she reads this) to doubt my love and commitment to her or the joy that can be found in the institution of marriage. that being clearly and said, i will continue.

marriage is not and was never meant to be one’s sole source of relational intimacy. (please note that i did not say “physical intimacy”! marriage is a holy covenant that one makes to another and i do not believe it leaves any room for sexual infidelity.) in many places around the world but especially in north america, marriage is viewed as the single relationship in life that opens the possibility for one’s total happiness and satisfaction. to not be married in our culture means that there is something wrong with you and that you have absolutely no chance at having a full life.

marriage is not relational nirvana but this is exactly what our culture tells us it is! this warped view of relational intimacy has significantly contributed to what can only be described as an epidemic of loneliness in our society and world. professor stephanie coontz, author of “marriage, a history: how love conquered marriage,” in her ny times editorial writes, (bold added)

…in the last century, Americans have put all their emotional eggs in the basket of coupled love. Because of this change, many of us have found joys in marriage our great-great-grandparents never did. But we have also neglected our other relationships, placing too many burdens on a fragile institution and making social life poorer in the process. A study released this year showed just how dependent we’ve become on marriage. Three sociologists at the University of Arizona and Duke University found that from 1985 to 2004 Americans reported a marked decline in the number of people with whom they discussed meaningful matters. People reported fewer close relationships with co-workers, extended family members, neighbors and friends. The only close relationship where more people said they discussed important matters in 2004 than in 1985 was marriage. In fact, the number of people who depended totally on a spouse for important conversations, with no other person to turn to, almost doubled, to 9.4 percent from 5 percent. Not surprisingly, the number of people saying they didn’t have anyone in whom they confided nearly tripled.

Too Close for Comfort - New York Times

before amy and i married, we discussed the nature marriage and of friendship and committed to one another that we would make our marriage one that empowered us to be better friends to others. we had witnessed so many newly wedded couples “disappear” from the lives of their friends and we did not want that to happen to us. we wanted our marriage to be a place were we would receive greater relational energy because of our marriage. marriage should increase our respective capacities to be a blessing to those around us — by god’s grace, we trust this has been the case.

i can certainly affirm that my deepest friendships have been a blessing to me and to amy (albeit indirectly in some cases). my significant friendships make me a healthier person and husband as well as father. they help me to see from perspectives other than my own and sharpen me to grow in areas of my life that i would be blissfully content to leave fallow.

in closing, i have many friends who are single. delving into the broad dynamics of singleness is beyond my purpose in this post, but if you are single and reading this entry, don’t wait for marriage to provide you with deeply satisfying relational intimacy! relational intimacy is not something to be saved for marriage. invest every resource you have into deepening your current friendships and create new ones with those you are drawn to today. don’t wait for the initiative of others! take risks of relational rejection and initiate, initiate, initiate.

It is in community that we come to see God in the other. It is in community that we see our own emptiness filled up. It is community that calls me beyond the pinched horizons of my own life, my own country, my own race, and gives me the gifts I do not have within me. -Joan Chittister

this fall, i’ve been co-coaching my son’s t-ball team comprised of four, five and six year olds. i wish i could say that it has been nothing but sheer joy to help nurture the physical and character development of these young boys, but in truth, i cannot. the only part that i have really enjoyed so far is getting to watch kaeden grow and thrive.

i’m discovering that kaeden is actually quite coordinated and easily the best player on his team if not the league! (i wish you could see the prideful grin on my face and oh, if you’re one of the parents of the other kids in the league, my apologies.)

let me clarify: it’s not that these kids are particularly uncoordinated and athletically challenged. most four year olds and many five year olds are simply not developmentally ready to learn t-ball or any team sport for that matter. so, the majority of my “coaching” this season can be accurately described by my having to simply say,

stop playing with the dirt and keep your eyes on the ball!

about 10,002 times each game & practice. alas, it is an exercise in futility because many of the boys continue to be more intrigued by the dirt in the infield than the little white ball that the game is actually centered around.

that being said, as i watched kaeden throw, catch and hit the ball last week, it reminded me of an experience i had with him 3 years ago.

the chicago cubs were in the 2003 major league baseball play-offs for the first time in years and they were actually doing extremely well. (you may recall this because it only happens about once every quarter century — they’ve only had one back-to-back winning season since 1971-72.)

anyway, as kaeden (3-1/2 years old at the time) and i sat there one evening watching the cubies out-perform their post-season opponent, he went and got a ball and we started to play catch in between innings. he was a quick study (to my delight) but many of the balls he threw somehow flew backward landing behind him instead of flying forward toward me. catching the ball proved to be even more challenging for him, but he was trying very hard and occasionally, he would catch it — more from the accuracy of my throw than his dexterity though.

that night, regardless of whether he threw or caught the ball very well, i’d give him a high-five and praise him effusively for every attempt. the cubs won that night, but the deeper joy i experienced that evening was from the interaction i had with my most precious son.

that next morning, i had to get up early because i was leading a weekly sexual addictions support group for men at our church. a young man, let’s call him “sam” for convenience here, was downcast in spirit because he had failed in his area of addiction for the umpteenth time. as i silently asked god for wisdom in how to comfort “sam”, the lord gave me a flashback to my prior evenings interaction with kaeden. after describing that evening to him and the rest of the group, this is what i said,

of course god takes sin very seriously. so seriously, in fact, that jesus was willing to sacrifice himself for us! but god is also our father and as our father, he loves us and sees us as his most precious children.

i am not patient by nature, but last night, i was able to celebrate and cheer kaeden’s every attempt at throwing and catching the ball regardless of his level of success. why? because i knew that one day in the not-so-distant future when he turns eleven or twelve years of age, he will be throwing that ball right at me with speed and acuracy 19 out of 20 times and that his catching the ball will seem automatic.

if i had screamed, ‘what the hell are you doing kaeden? i showed you step-by-step how to throw and catch the ball just a few seconds ago! why can’t you just do what i said?’ at him, he would have either fallen to the ground weeping or stomped off angry. either way, i would have wounded his soul and he would have had little if any desire to re-engage with the activity of learning to play baseball in the future.

again, i know that god takes sin seriously, but could it also be that because he knows that we are growing into perfection, he patiently cheers us on every time we fail?

before becoming a father, i saw god as a frowning judge who was more often disappointed by my performance than pleased by my existence. this is how “sam” was seeing the lord that morning. i now know this is completely false! a deeper understanding of god’s word and my experience as a dad have shown me that god our father is always cheering us on and encouraging us to continue on the path of growth. he knows what we are becoming and therefore sees us ever so clearly as we are and as we will be.

kaeden is still only six years old but he’s already looking more and more like that eleven or twelve year old playing baseball that i imagined that autumn night just three years ago.

(unfortunately, the chicago cubs didn’t go on to win the league pennant that year! even god my have lost hope and patience with them by now.)

through the kind comments of two indianapolis colts fans, i have been informed that the chicago bears are not the only

undefeated team in pro football

as i stated in my previous entry. the colts are also undefeated and so i offer my humble apology to peyton manning and the colts as well as all colts fans out there.

i intended no disrespect and as a word of explanation: i came upon that notion because i heard one of the announcers on monday night football say that the bears were

the only 6-0 team in football.

well, the colts are 5-0 because they had a bye week last week.

under normal circumstances, i would have hoped for the bears to be the only undefeated team after this weekend, but since the colts are playing the washington redskins (2-4) this weekend (a team i love to hate because of the offensive nature of their nickname — but that’s a topic for another day),

go colts!

i know that most of you won’t care one iota about this little post, but since i just finished watching the bears comeback from a 20-0 halftime deficit in stunning fashion, i had to express my excitement somewhere.

monday night football games have rarely been good for the bears in the 30-some years that i have been watching and cheering for them and this was looking like another display of football futility for them on this national platform. somehow though, the defense and special teams play pulled out an improbable victory.

the game ended 24-23 and the most remarkable statistic for the game was that the bears failed to score a single offensive touchdown! games like this are what make being a sports fan so much fun. they also create challenging and hopeless situations (albeit relatively unimportant ones) that are overcome by grit, sweat and sheer desire. there’s a life-lesson in that somewhere.

being a lifelong fan of chicago sports is more often than not a test of one’s mettle and loyalty, but it’s games and seasons like this that make being a sports fan so much fun. the bears are now the only undefeated team in pro football and for the first time since the superbowl team of the mid-80s, there is a real hope for a meaningful post-season.

trust me, i am fully aware that we are not even halfway through the season, but whether elation or despair awaits me in january & february, i am going to savor every victory and enjoy the anticipation of what this team might possibly aspire to.

my earliest memory of celebrating columbus day was in third grade. all the kids from grades 3-5 commemorated the day by dressing in colonial style clothing (i wish i had a photo of me at eight years of age in knickers and my mom’s frilliest blouse to post for you!) and spent the day learning about columbus and the earliest settlers. we did everything from writing on slates with chalk to hand-making ice cream and it was an absolute blast! it was teaching and learning (through experience and fun) at its best! unfortunately, now as an adult, i’m not sure that the foundation to what i learned was all that accurate!

looking at history is never simple! winston churchill was absolutely correct when he said,

history is written by the victors.

but with that stated, it is often difficult to navigate through various and contradictory historical sources to find truth. most of us in the united states have been taught that christopher columbus was a great explorer/adventurer and that he courageously proved wrong the popular belief that the earth was flat. he is also the “discoverer” of america and a heroic figure to admire, emulate and remember. he is of such national import, that he is one of only ten federal holidays defined by law. since this reflects the “normal” way that columbus is taught and remembered, my focus in this post is on what most of us as school children were never taught.

the primary text that i will draw from is entitled, people’s history of the united states: 1492 to present by howard zinn. amazon’s editorial book description reads,

known for its lively, clear prose as well as its scholarly research, a people’s history of the united states is the only volume to tell america’s story from the point of view of — and in the words of — america’s women, factory workers, african- americans, native americans, working poor, and immigrant laborers.

in 1492, when columbus first arrived in the caribbean (thinking it was the indies), his very first act was kidnapping. here is a part of columbus’ log entry on that autumn day,

as soon as i arrived in the indies, on the first island which i found, i took some of the natives by force in order that they might learn and might give me information of whatever there is in these parts.

his barbarous act was unnecessary as later european observers described the arawaks of the bahamanian islands as much like the native peoples on the mainland, who were remarkable for their hospitality and belief in sharing. even columbus later described the “indians” he encountered like this:

they… brought us parrots and balls of cotton and spears and many other things, which they exchanged for the glass beads and hawks’ bells. they willingly traded everything they owned…. they were well-built, with good bodies and handsome features…. they do not bear arms, and do not know them, for i showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance. they have no iron. their spears are made of cane…. they would make fine servants…. with fifty men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want.

when columbus returned to europe thinking that he had succeeded in finding a shorter route to south asia, he exaggerated reports and promises to investors and so his second expedition was given seventeen ships and more than twelve hundred men – their primary objective was gold and slaves.

when they arrived back in the caribbean, they went from island to island capturing “indians”. columbus set up a base in haiti and proceeded to send numerous expeditions into the interior to look for gold, but they found none. since he had to fill up the ships returning to spain with some kind of dividend they began hunting. howard zinn writes,

in the year 1495, they went on a great slave raid, rounded up fifteen hundred arawak men, women, and children, put them in pens guarded by spaniards and dogs, then picked the five hundred best specimens to load onto ships. of those five hundred, two hundred died en route. the rest arrived alive in spain and were put up for sale by the archdeacon of the town, who reported that, although the slaves were ‘naked as the day they were born,’ they showed ‘no more embarrassment than animals.’ columbus later wrote: ‘let us in the name of the holy trinity go on sending all the slaves that can be sold.’

columbus and his men continued to believe that vast gold fields existed in haiti and so,

they ordered all persons fourteen years or older to collect a certain quantity of gold every three months. when they brought it, they were given copper tokens to hang around their necks. indians found without a copper token had their hands cut off and bled to death.

the indians had been given an impossible task. the only gold around was bits of dust garnered from the streams. so they fled, were hunted down with dogs, and were killed.

trying to put together an army of resistance, the arawaks faced spaniards who had armor, muskets, swords and horses. when the spaniards took prisoners they hanged them or burned them to death. among the arawaks, mass suicides began, with cassava poison. infants were killed to save them from the spaniards. in two years, through murder, mutilation, or suicide, half of the 250,000 indians on haiti were dead.

records indicate that by 1550, only 58 years after columbus first landed, only 500 arawak “indians” remained. the chief source that zinn uses to recount what happened on these islands after columbus arrived is from bartolome de las casas. las casas was a young priest who participated in the conquest of cuba and for a time, even owned a plantation with indian slaves, but to his credit he repented and became a vehement critic of spanish cruelty.

book two of his history of the indies relates the atrocities committed against the “indians” by the spaniards. here are a few excerpts from zinn’s book:

the spaniards ‘grew more conceited every day’ and after a while refused to walk any distance. they ‘rode the backs of indians if they were in a hurry’ or were carried on hammocks by indians running in relays. ‘in this case they also had indians carry large leaves to shade them from the sun and others to fan them with goose wings.’

total control led to total cruelty. the spaniards ‘thought nothing of knifing indians by tens and twenties and of cutting slices off them to test the sharpness of their blades.’ las casas tells how ‘two of these so-called christians met two indian boys one day, each carrying a parrot; they took the parrots and for fun beheaded the boys.’

when he arrived on hispaniola in 1508, las casas says, ‘there were 60,000 people living on this island, including the indians; so that from 1494 to 1508, over three million people had perished from war, slavery, and the mines. who in future generations will believe this? i myself writing it as a knowledgeable eyewitness can hardly believe it….’

the history books i grew up with said that columbus was the hero in a heroic adventure. they told me of no deceit, avarice, kidnapping, slavery, murder or genocide. the real story behind christopher columbus helps me to better understand how our country grew and developed in the manner that it did. it also helps me to understand how and why we, as a nation, operate in the ways that we do today. don’t get me wrong! i am extremely thankful to have been born in america and i believe in our country’s principles of “justice and liberty for all”. i dream of a day when this stated american value is truly descriptive of who we are as a nation domestically and internationally.

the first step in getting there is to acknowledge who we really are today and to do that, we have to understand the trajectory from where we have come.

dr. carl sagan said,

you have to know the past to understand the present.